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Archive for June, 2011

Creating Trust in the Family

Wednesday, June 22nd, 2011

One of the most important aspects of any relationship is trust and for someone who is a step parent or about to become one, this is an area where they would need to work on.

At the centre of a relationship like this are children who have been introduced to someone new who will be living with them from now on.

For the new family network to function there has to be a lot of work done in order to produce trust from and to the step parents.

One of the first things parents say to their children is that they will always love them and that the introduction of the new person into their lives does not mean that their love for them will diminish in any way.


As a step parent, you would have to exercise a lot of patience in order to get your step child to trust you. It is as simple as that, your step child is not going to trust you straight away and it is something you have to be prepared for.

The child’s personality

Understanding the personality of the child could help in you in gaining their trust.

If you have a step child that is the shy – that always clings to the other parent, it may take some time to win their trust.

The child may be warming herself to you without you realising it just because she is shy.

Getting involved in activities

By spending time with your step children and engaging in activities they like would help to create a bond between you.

Talk to them

Depending on the age of your step children, you may want to have a chat with them every now and again. One of the things you may want to establish from the word go is that you are not here to replace their biological parent and that you want to be their friends.

If they prefer not to talk to you – don’t get all upset about it. You just have to be persistent and try another time – but give it a bit of space before you try again.

Your relationship with your partner

Another way a step parent could gain the trust of the step children is by the way they treat their partner. If you express your love to your partner openly for the children to see, this could help them understand why their parent got into another relationship. For their own parent’s happiness, they might begin to warm towards you since you make their parent happy.

Creating trust in a step family is not an overnight job, but with a lot of hard work and consistency by all parties, this most certainly is achievable.

The Role of a Nanny in a Family

Friday, June 10th, 2011

A Nanny is responsible mainly for the care of the children of the family and the care of their equipment – their clothes and so on – and for any housework that has directly to do with them.She will, for example, do the children’s laundry and mending, and clean their rooms. In some cases she may also need to do the cooking for the children and for herself. In some very rich households it may be that, as well as the nanny who has main responsibility for the children, there will also be a nursery maid who will deal with the domestic side of the work. However, this sort of establishment is rather unusual these days. It was common in Victorian times but there are few families who can afford to maintain this size of household.

In some cases a nanny will have a room of her own. However, very often she will be expected to share the same bedroom with the children. Certainly she will be expected always to be within earshot of the children during the night. If one of the children awakes and needs attention it will be nanny’s job to leave her own bed and attend to him.

Her day will follow the pattern of an ordinary mother’s day. That is, she will get up before the children, get them up, wash them, dress them, and provide their breakfast, and see the older ones off to school. During the course of the morning she will supervise the younger children’s play while dealing with the cleaning of their room and their laundry, and so on. She will probably be expected to take them for a walk in the morning and after supervising their lunch spend her afternoon playing with them and keeping them happy. Again, like an ordinary mother, she will bath the children and put them to bed at the end of the day. She will be expected throughout to teach and train her charges properly. Her employers will probably expect their children to be well-mannered, toilet-trained, and so on.

Ideally she should have a full day off per week as well as a certain number of free evenings – two or three free evenings would be a reasonable amount. However, a Nanny must be prepared to have her scheduled free time altered at short notice because of family demands. A thoughtful employer will do this very rarely if at all. Unfortunately, not all employers are thoughtful and many indeed treat a Nanny unfairly, changing her off-duty periods without notice or taking away her free time altogether.

Also, some employers may expect a Nanny to do tasks that are not really part of the care for the children. For example, she may be asked to wash up the dishes after the meals taken by the adults in the family, or deal with ordinary housework.

It is necessary then for a Nanny to have a clear understanding with her employer, before she accepts a post, of what her job will be and what tasks will be expected of her, and, of course, what free time she will have. If a Nanny takes a post without getting these matters straight first and later finds that she is exploited, she has, frankly, only herself to blame. A clear understanding of the nanny’s role made in advance will be of great help to her if she is to be happy in her work.